I watched you sleep next to me

I watched you sleep next to me and it was such a bittersweet view. I don’t normally get affected by the things I dream, but that night made me feel as if I was awake. See, I had the most vivid dream where we were talking as we fell asleep and in it you told me such sweet things like “you have no idea how you make me feel”, “I like what you’ve made me feel”. I slowly opened my eyes, it was the middle of the night and I was still in that limbo half asleep half awake stage and for some reason you were sleeping on your back, which you almost never do. You looked so peaceful, I was on my side and caught a view of your face in my blurry, sleepy, thought your words were real, vision. I wanted to close my eyes and go back to bed because I was sleepy and it was late, but for some reason my eyes kept trying to watch you more. I mean that in the most un-creepy way possible, I just wanted to look at your face in an innocent state. When we parted ways that day i broke down right away, I know it was only a dream but it broke my heart and it hasn’t been the same since. You will move a few hours away soon and I fear this was all for nothing. But it has meant so much! I don’t think you realize that. That quote from You’ve got Mail, “But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings” feels so personal right now. I wish I could tell you all this! But I hate how you make fun of me sometimes when I try to be honest and open about what I feel. If there is one thing I could do without is your stubbornness and lack of a filter at times. But at the same time, I like you as you are. You make me want to be honest and tell you how I feel even though you make me feel vulnerable and weak. Yes, I like you so much that it seems not to matter how you make me blush for telling you about my feelings. It sucks to think that this will all be over soon, but I refuse to let this end without speaking for myself. And so I’m trying to be courageous and prepare myself for the inevitable moment where I share with you what’s on my mind and you proceed to not intentionally make me die a bit on the inside. You have been like a city within this city to me, a different place I go to escape what has come to be my home this past almost year. You are a skyline, whose view hasn’t gotten old, a place I feel I haven’t fully learned about enough and I don’t want to stop visiting. A picture will not do, you’re a ‘listical’ I haven’t finished reading about the city that will steal my heart and countless places in it that will change you.


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