The real letter

It’s about to be 4 months since I’ve been calling this big city home. And with a home, in my mind, comes a family. The friends I’ve made have definitely turned into just that. A new home with a new family who I can trust, and have fun with. There’s even been a few crushes, one in particular seems to stick around, and even though he will get a card from me along with a gift this holiday season, i can’t be completely honest so let’s do it here.
You confuse me every single day. I try and seem calm, I try and seem like I don’t care, I try, perhaps to much, and a lot of the time I feel extremely replaceable. I am very much aware of your nature and the way you are, but you can’t do this to me. See, to you flirting is a fun game that you play with every single girl that you encounter. And it is fun a lot of the time, until you make me think things. You’re one of my closest friends here, we spend a lot of our time together, but when you make it seem like I’m different I start to think it, and then over think it, and then actually step back and look at what’s going on. Some days it feels so right, and others like today, i feel so normal and common to you, and so it makes me feel terrible about myself. It should not be this way, a guy shouldn’t make me feel like this, I shouldn’t allow myself to get this way. But I do, and it is my own fault. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so I will continue to try and keep my feelings away, but I’m worried that one day they’ll just take control and speak up. You’re a great friend, I just don’t know if I can keep up.