Running from clouds

Sometimes I get sad suddenly. There is nothing immediately wrong, but sadness creeps in like a shadow under a passing cloud. Lately, I worry that I might drive people away, but you see I’m not doing this on purpose and I don’t mean to bring others down, most of them don’t notice, but the ones I especially don’t want to notice are the ones that do. I don’t know how to express myself sometimes and so that’s why sentences like the past one end like that, and that’s why I’m scared to share my feelings and thoughts most of the time. Tonight, I felt extremely silly. I didn’t do anything wrong, I know that, but I felt like maybe I was perceived that way? I think I just feel lonely here. Every time I feel like this I try and remind myself that, yes I am alone here because I wanted to move and reach my goals and I am in the middle of making them a reality. I didn’t come here for a guy, or friends, but I wonder if distractions should be a part of it. I get that I can’t just go in a straight line, and I don’t want to, but times like these I just wish there was a path to follow. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss knowing where I am and how to get there. I love this city and this place, but it scares me sometimes to know that I don’t know much about it and that if I mess things up I don’t know where to go. Ugh am I doing 23 right?

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